Like you, I struggle.
I struggle to give people a 2nd chance, especially to those that completely, utterly failed at their first chance.
I struggle to give people the benefit of doubt, especially those that have a broken trail of disappointment.
I struggle to see the good in people, especially those that have a troubled history.
I seriously struggle to be a genuine, caring human being that doesn’t judge or become influenced by his own biases and selfishness.
And then I remember someone that never seemed to struggle like that…. My grandma, Shirley.
She always saw the good in people. She just didn’t give people a 2nd chance. She gave them a third, fourth, and fifth chance. No matter how much someone was cloaked in darkness, she saw the light in him. She was an angel.
I remember a particular young man she was especially concerned about. I knew him just as an adult. I had read about his troubles in the paper. I knew the loved ones he hurt over and over and over again. I saw him lie, cheat, and steal to feed his addiction. I saw him for what he was – a criminal, a drug addict with little remorse for the people he hurt.
Shirley didn’t see him like that.
She saw him as the innocent, quiet, little boy she watched grow up. According to her, he was funny, caring, and handsome. Most importantly though, he was good. In her mind, he was led astray by a series of poor choices that pushed him down the wrong path. She believed life was fragile, and a single, simple decision can send ripples throughout one’s life. Because of that. I was not much different than him, separated by only a single decision that had ramifications you nor I can fully appreciate at the time. So I guess she saw a little of her own kids and grandkids in him.
And even though he continued down that wrong path, she always saw him as little Timmy (this was not his name) and believed one day he would become the man she hoped he’d become.
Every single time I’d stop by and chat with her, she always brought up his name.
“T.J., have you seen Timmy lately?”
“No Nana, but I did see his name in the police beat a few weeks ago. He’s probably in jail.”
She’d chuckle and immediately jump into a story about him, completely dismissing the trouble he was currently in.
The conversation would always end with me telling her he’s nothing but trouble and will either end up dead or in jail. She’d respond with a lecture on the importance of not judging others and remembering to see the good in all. “The Jesus talk”, as I called it.
I always walked away shaking my head.
I had no idea how she did it -how she always saw the good in people. She never became frustrated or disappointed. She never turned her back. She never pulled back when someone put their hand out for help. She simply continued to care. She continued to see the hope in the hopeless.
And then she passed away last December, and as I reflected back on her life (and heard stories from people that knew her), the answer became clear.
Her father was an alcoholic. The man that she called dad had frustrated, disappointed, and hurt her more than any other person in her life. He had hurt her mother, her brothers, and everyone else she cared about it. She was a witness to addiction, seeing firsthand how someone she loved and who she believed honestly loved her could hurt her time and time again.
So, as a little girl, she had a choice to make. Her heart could either fill with hate or love. It could feel with disappointment or hope. It could feel with frustration or happiness. The choice was hers.
Luckily for me. Luckily for Timmy. Luckily for all those that knew her, she chose to see the good.
And that’s why she never gave up on Timmy.
She was blinded by the good in him, no matter how small that flame flickered.
This article isn’t about my grandma though. No, instead, it’s about a group of individuals that have been coming to the gym with Angela Weidner over the last few months.
They are taking part in the Maple Street Recovery Program at the Macoupin County Public Health Department.
Like Timmy, they’ve wrestled with addiction. They’ve lied, cheated, and stole. They’ve hurt loved ones and inflicted pain on almost everyone who has tried to help them.
Also like Timmy, most people have stopped giving them a second chance. They’ve stopped giving them the benefit of doubt. They’ve stopped seeing the good in them. Sadly, they’ve stopped caring about them.
I know initially when the clinic announced the program a few people in the community were upset. They were struggling to see the good. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have my own concerns about allowing them to exercise in the gym, even if Angela was supervising them the entire time.
Then I remembered Shirley. What would she do? What choice would make her proud?
You already know the answer.
I firmly believe she’s in heaven, smiling down watching this group exercise.
If she was still here, she’d be on the exercise bike, introducing herself and telling them how proud she was of them. She would, just like she did for 30+ years at the doctor’s office, treat them like her own kids, always making sure they know someone cares about them.
All of these individuals in this program still have that flicker of good, and it seems to be growing brighter every day they continue their rehab. They’ve taken responsibility for their actions. They understand that who I was has little bearing on who I am or who I can become. They haven’t lost hope. Most importantly, they’ve made the choice to see the good in themselves, and eventually, so will everyone else as they continue down their new path.
We’re lucky to have them at Ageless. They’re a great reminder of what strength, perseverance, and hope really look like. They should inspire all of us, as we’re all struggling with something. At times we may feel overwhelmed by those struggles and fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but all we have to do is remember this group and the battle they’re fighting. One choice. One Step. One day.
So, if you see this group in the gym, I hope you encourage them on their journey. I hope you say hi, bye, and even give them a high five. A little support can make all the difference in the world. See the good in them just like Shirley would.
The choice is yours.
